totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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