I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
