I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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