I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
