Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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