I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
