I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
