Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize