i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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