Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
