dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize