I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
