Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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