Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
