i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
