carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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