I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
