listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
