Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
