I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
