I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
