do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
