so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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