My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Rumble strips road head = magical
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
