Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
