he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have fence marks all over my body
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
