Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
