Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize