i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
