Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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