you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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