u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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