Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize