Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i think i just lost a toe
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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