how can u be prego again
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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