there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
