I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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