I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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