I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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