i just google imaged poop.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize