Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
