Can i not drive my cunt home
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
