you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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