The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize