You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dicks are not precious.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
