hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
