wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
