Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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