I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
