So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
