The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
