don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
