i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
