I'm so fucking centered right now
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
