Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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