oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
