I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
