If that was your dad, he is hot
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
