come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
