I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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