its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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