my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
