I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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