So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
