He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
