I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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