i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
