there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
