Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
