Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
