I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
