i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
