im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
