When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
