Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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