Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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