dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
